I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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