Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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