there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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