Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
