I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
