Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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