I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
