When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
