She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
