I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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