Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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