my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
