i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
