I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
