People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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