some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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