im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
