you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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