I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
