so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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