This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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