Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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