WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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