Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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