I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
