If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
