yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you never un-have a 4some
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
