The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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