nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
