Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We're too hungover to prance.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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