wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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