Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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