I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
