i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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