There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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