Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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