Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
