Pants 0. Shit 1.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
