Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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