I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
