Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
