Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
