i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
