Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Actions speak louder than pants.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think my moral compass just broke
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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