So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
