the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
