so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
