your parents love me but you hate me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
