omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
