at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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