She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
