Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
