There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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